Talking Back
Talking back is a child’s way of regaining control when they feel out of control. Keeping this in mind can be extremely helpful. It allows us to take pause and tune in.
Asserting authority is often what the instinct is but this will only escalate the feelings. Instead, take a moment to help them feel both safe and seen.
Give them some space or remind them of some tools to self-regulate, and/or co-regulate together:
“I can see you’re upset. Would you like to take a break?”
“It’s okay to feel angry. It’s not okay to talk to me like that. Let’s both cool down and then start again.”
Empathize with them by acknowledging their feelings:
“Sometimes plans change. I understand why you’re frustrated.”
And then engage, by offering choices or moving them toward a new task:
“Would you like to pick the song we’ll listen to while we clean up?”
“Shall we hop like bunnies toward the bathroom to brush our teeth?”
When a child talks back, try not to see it as a fight. Instead, remind yourself they need some love and assurance. And try some of these more constructive approaches.
