Lying
A child lies when they don’t feel they’re in a truly safe space, they don’t trust their authenticity makes them lovable, they don’t think they’ll be believed, they’re afraid of consequences or when they’re feeling ashamed.
If they’ve watched their parents lie, they may think it’s okay. If they don’t have the communication tools yet for honest conversations, they may resort to lying. This coping mechanism is a sign that there’s something underlying they’re afraid to share.
But, lying is also a developmental milestone when kids can hold two truths in their mind at once. Here’s what is true. AND I’m going to tell my parents something different.
When this happens, there are really only two jobs for you. One is to gently share what you see and know to be true. And the other is to stay calm while you get super curious.
Get on the the same level, on eye level with your kiddo. And allow time, patient wait time ...
Start with, “I see …” naming what you know.
Then, gently, “Help me understand why you want me to think …”
Then, it’s all about reflective listening. To better understand what’s underlying. And gratitude, for them helping you understand, thanking them then for telling you the truth (even though it may have been scary to do so).
Your kids need to know more than ever that you are safe to come to with the truth. So this interaction is huge. It assures them they can rest in their relationship with you.
Focus on building the relationship outside of these moments as they be seeking connection, and need reminders that your curiosity is real and they won’t be in trouble for their truth.
