Active Listening
When you listen to your children, use active listening. What does this look and sound like?
It’s giving them your full attention with eye contact if appropriate. Active listening is actually very quiet; you’re not interrupting or adding ideas or finishing their sentences for them. Notice if these are your unconscious habits.
Instead, it’s quietly nodding and taking in what they’re saying as their truth. Repeat back to them exactly what you hear to confirm you’re hearing correctly. Do this without judgment - neutrally. It sounds like, “ I hear you saying …”.
Then, “Is this right?”
And then, if they say it is, simply. “Okay.”
Whether or not you agree. Whether or not you approve. Just listening. You’ll have your chance to speak, after you’re thye’ve said what they need to say.
Active listening is extremely validating. It makes the other person feel truly heard. You can even add, here and there if it feels right, “I hear you,” or “I see,” but little more.
